Dear Congress

Dear Congress,
Want to know a little secret? You suck.
The majority of Americans disapprove of the way you’re running the country. If you were the Board of Directors for any company, the shareholders would have thrown you out long ago. The only reason that We, The People haven’t done so yet is because:

  • Your opposition, for the most part, sucks more.
  • While you suck, you don’t suck enough to justify us shooting you. (I’m channeling Claire Wolfe‘s “awkward stage” quote here.)

Personally, I’m of the opinion that essentially all members of Congress should be clapped in irons, taken out to the National Mall, placed into stocks, and have the citizenry directly petition their Congressmen for the redress of grievances. Hot tar and feathers will be sold by vendors for a nominal price.
Recall the response from the citizenry regarding the financial bailout bill? Surely you must –? the influx of emails crippled the House of Representatives email system. I was unable to submit an email, telephone call, or fax for two days due to the huge volume of inbound messages…the majority of which were strongly against the bill. What did you do? You voted for the damned thing. While my representative voted against the bill, he did so because the bill didn’t do enough. What the hell is wrong with you people?
Democrats, you’ve held the majority in the House and Senate for the last few years. What have you accomplished that differs significantly from the oft-maligned Republicans? As far as I can tell, nothing. Quit saying you’re for “change” when you’ve done nothing, even when you’re able to do so.
Republicans, until recently, you’ve held the majority in the Legislature, as well as having Republicans in key positions (the president, for example) in the Executive Branch for nearly a decade. What have you done over the last 8 years? Squandered huge amounts of money (yet you claim the Democrats are the “tax and spend” party), invaded the privacy of American citizens, and generally screwed things up. The only good thing I can recall you doing is letting the “assault weapons ban” expire in 2004…and that was mostly because nobody actually did anything except wait for it to expire. It’s pretty bad when you accomplish more good things by being apathetic than when you’re actually trying to be productive.
The federal government is now over $10.2 trillion dollars in debt…a number so great that the National Debt Clock had to add an extra digit to accomodate your fiscal irresponsibility. The annual budget of the federal government exceeds $3 trillion dollars. What the hell are you spending it all on? That’s a lot of hookers and blow.
In short, you all suck.
Get your collective heads out of your collective asses,
P.S. Your roadside campaign signs, postal mailings, and telephone calls annoy me. That is, it makes me dislike you more.
P.P.S. Any candidate, ballot initiative, or other entity sending me unsolicited email immediately and permanently loses my vote. I may or may not vote for your opponent, but I certainly won’t be voting for you. My email box is mine, it exists for person-to-person and solicited bulk mail, and you need to ask for permission before using it to market to me.
P.P.P.S. I’ve already voted. Even if I wanted to change my vote, I can’t. Quit calling me and mailing me crap.