Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
Funny
Gem-Tech made a tongue-in-cheek homage to a famous advertisement. I was amused.
Man With A Gun
Breaking News: A week ago1, a 27-year-old man purchased some motor oil, funnels, and paper towels at a local Wal-Mart at 10:00pm. He was openly carrying a Glock 19 in a retention holster.
While paying for his purchases, he noticed another man of similar age carrying a revolver of unknown make and model, also in a retention retention holster. This other man was at a nearby register, also paying for his purchases.
Although both men were openly armed, surrounded by numerous cash registers filled with money, with numerous families with children in close proximity, there was — shockingly enough — no gunfight, robbery, or other acts of violence. Strangely, neither man assumed the other was a violent criminal and neither opened fire. Indeed, none of the employees or patrons were visibly alarmed.
Both men noted the other’s presence and went back to paying for their purchases before going back to their separate vehicles. While walking to his vehicle, the first man walked past an idling police car that happened to be in the area, nodded to the officer, said “good evening”, received a nod in response, and continued walking.
Film at 11.
- Sorry for the delay. Been busy. [↩]
How To Report The News
Old Ironsides’ Cannons
The USS Constitution is the nation’s oldest commissioned warship that’s still afloat.
While admittedly a bit of a tourist magnet, the ship is soaked in history (and whatever else happens to be floating around).
One of those bits of history is that the ship fires a cannon at 8am and at sunset.
Now, some of the nearby neighbors are complaining, and want to either have the firing stopped or the charges reduced. While I can see their point1, the ship has been there for longer than they have, and while they can ask that the ship accommodate their wishes (free speech and all), they have no real standing; the ship was there first.
As a commenter on Fark said, “Perhaps they should stop firing blanks.”
- My apartment complex has gardeners come by with gas-powered leaf blowers every weekend at 7am and they love to sit outside my window with the motors running. [↩]
This Looks Like Fun
A rather detailed news report about the…sport of anvil shooting can be found here.
Now, the question is…where can I get an anvil?
The Citizen’s Guide to Small Arms
Found on Fark.com. No mention of original author. I would be happy to credit the original author if I knew who they were.
Death Panels Exist In England!
I knew it!
See this BBC article for details.
On Internet Publishing
I’ve mentioned before how incredible the internet is, particularly in the context of writing. With blogs, Twitter, web forums, and free/inexpensive hosting, there are effectively no barriers to entry to the world of public writing.
Entire communities of subscribers and participants have sprung up around major bloggers and web forums and discuss issues of every conceivable topic.
When I say “every conceivable topic” I mean it.
Behold: Bacon Today, a site dedicated to the most delicious of foods.
Ten years ago, one would be hard pressed to find a newsletter, local group, or other means of keeping up-to-date with the ever-changing world of bacon. Today, this is a trivial matter.
Oh, how the world has changed for the better.
On Bugs
Oh god! It can fly? That’s not fair!
-Louis
He uttered those words in reference to the giant, fearsome beetle-thing that was blocking entrance to my apartment. Or rather, he uttered them after I poked at it with his sword and it started to fly.
Intellectually, I’m not terribly afraid of bugs: they tend to be an annoyance rather than a source of fear. The few insects that bite, sting, or are venomous generally leave me alone and I leave them alone. I don’t have any known allergies to insects, so I have no compelling medical reason to be worried about bugs.
But there’s something about finger-length beetles that give me the heebie-jeebies. Upon seeing this insect, the words of Admiral Ackbar sprang to mind: “[We] can’t repel firepower of that magnitude!” I’m not exactly cowardly, but this bug still creeped me the hell out. It reminded me of the hockey-puck sized ones I saw in Kenya.
My rock-throwing did nothing1, so we were forced to use the sword, which is a rather effective bug-dislodging device.
While I enjoy and appreciate nature, I like to maintain the boundary between “me” and “fearsomely huge insects” when I’m outside, and particularly so when I’m inside (be it my apartment or a tent).
- There’s no way I’m getting close to it. Screw that. [↩]
Let’s play a game…
No, not Global Thermonuclear War, but a more intellectual (and less destructive) game.
It’s commonly said that, “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” — while such a sentiment tends to be viewed as somewhat macabre, I think it’s right on the money: if a person is committed to violence, they will find a way to make it happen regardless of the availability of a specific type of weapon.
Evidently the British don’t seem to understand this, and have even gone so far as to make and market an “anti-stab” knife. While the rounded tip might foil1 thrusting attacks, it’s still quite effective for slashing. Will they take the edge off next?
Anyway, I digress. I was talking about a game. The game is as follows: find an ordinary household object that is not generally considered a weapon and make (or describe, if you don’t wish to actually modify it) it into a weapon (practical or not) using, if required, only ordinary household items in a reasonable amount of time. Let’s assume the weapon is for use against a single opponent, and will not present undue risk to bystanders (that almost certain rules out things like gasoline).
Obviously someone with some metal and a CNC mill could make just about anything, but let’s assume that CNC mills aren’t commonly available but, say, basic hand tools (file, saw, etc.) are. Same thing with time: someone with years of time can craft just about anything. Let’s be reasonable.
Bonus points to the most absurd-yet-practical examples (e.g. anything involving rubber chickens), objects made into weapons in a brief time (say less than two minutes), and those using unexpected-yet-common household objects (e.g. popcorn kernels, cooking oil, etc.). Extra bonus points for those who provide photographs.
Here’s a few that I could think of off the top of my head:
- The antennas on my wireless router would be rather effective at poking someone’s eyes.
- An aluminum soda can torn in half makes a somewhat effective knife.
- Electrical cords to my computer could make a decent garrotte, rope, or shocking weapon.
- The flash mechanism in a Kodak (or other brand) one-time-use film camera can be employed as a makeshift shocking weapon2.
- While perhaps a bit obvious, my Maglite flashlight could serve as a bludgeoning weapon.
- Same thing with a padlock in a sock.
- Spray-on whiteboard cleaner, being mostly alcohol, would make an excellent incapacitating weapon if sprayed in someone’s face.
- CD/DVD disks, when broken, are quite sharp and could be used as knives.
- As chocolate is slightly abrasive, one could use a chocolate candy bar to polish the concave surface on the bottom of a soda can to a mirror-like finish, then use it to focus the rays of the sun onto someone, thus dazzling and/or burning them.3
What can you think of? Since not all of us can be armed all the time4, this game actually has a practical purpose in that the use of improvised weapons could be lifesaving.
Update: Corrected some incorrect grammar/spelling/word use. I’m an idiot.